I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
