oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
