i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
