when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
