I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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