john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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