i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
