cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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