The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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