First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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