Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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