please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
