who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
