I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
