M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
