I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
