I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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