I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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