is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
