honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
