i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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