Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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