When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
