Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
