I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
