It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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