even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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