we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
