Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize