I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
