i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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