Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
