he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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