So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
