So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
