Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize