i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
