Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
