He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize