His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
