we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
