Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
