I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
