Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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