therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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