You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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