my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
