but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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