I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Terrible idea I love it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
