Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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