So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
