There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
