if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ugly people sure do ruin things
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
