You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
