Little spoons don't ask big questions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize