I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
