It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
