So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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