their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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