Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
