you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
