You can't motorboat a personality
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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