I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize