True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
