Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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