You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
