i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Couch. On fire.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
