I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
