if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
