we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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