why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
