I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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