operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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