he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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