Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize