before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
