Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
