he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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