Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
