And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This house was built for laser tag.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
