He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
