Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
