Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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