I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
