I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
