a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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