Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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