I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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