to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize