i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
