he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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