stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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