the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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