i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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