You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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