I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is Oprah even human
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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