I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
