he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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