Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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