is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
