I am spending my child support on dildos
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
