Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
