my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
