So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
