Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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