Someone shit on the floor
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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