girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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