I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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