I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
