i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize